How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
