thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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