Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
