I want to walk on stilts...naked
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
