I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just gargled with NyQuil
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
