I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
