Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So much rum. So many feels.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
