You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
