I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
