my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
