I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
