How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
it was like eating out sand paper
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
