oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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