why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
