Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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