I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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