I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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