Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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