I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
