so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
