if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
