butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
