I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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