I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
