Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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