is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
