we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
