a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
