So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
