And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
