If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
