I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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