You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
