It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
