I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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