All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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