Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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