I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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