My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
