you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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