My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
