Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
