After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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