the condom got lost in my hair
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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