just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
