Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I need to calm my uterus...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
