Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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