had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We left an ass print on the piano.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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