his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
