i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
