This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
