lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
